Is Your Need for Approval Holding You Back?

We all want to be loved and admired.

As humans, we are wired to seek validation and approval from others. We want to be liked, respected, and admired, and we worry about what others think of us. This can lead to a range of behaviors, including failing to follow through on our goals and exaggerating our successes to make ourselves look good. Let’s explore the research behind these behaviors and offer some strategies to help you overcome them.

Why We Worry About What Others Think

Research has shown that our desire to be accepted and approved by others is deeply ingrained in our psychology. A study published in the journal Psychological Review found that humans have an innate need to belong to social groups, and that our behavior is shaped by our desire to be accepted by those groups. This need for social acceptance can lead to anxiety, stress, and self-doubt when we feel that we don't measure up to the expectations of others.

Another study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people often base their self-esteem on the opinions of others, and that negative feedback can lead to decreased self-esteem and increased anxiety. This can lead to a cycle of worry and self-doubt, which can interfere with our ability to take action and achieve our goals.

Why We Fail to Follow Through

Another common behavior that can hold us back is failing to follow through on our goals. Many of us start out with the best of intentions, but then we get distracted, lose motivation, or become overwhelmed by the task at hand. Research has shown that a lack of self-discipline and self-regulation is a major factor in our inability to follow through on our goals.

The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who are able to regulate their behavior and control their impulses are more likely to achieve their goals and experience greater success in life. This includes behaviors such as delaying gratification, setting specific goals, and monitoring progress.

Why We Exaggerate Our Successes

Another common behavior that can hold us back is exaggerating our successes. We want to be seen as successful, accomplished, and respected, and we may feel the need to exaggerate our achievements in order to gain recognition and approval from others. This can lead to a lack of authenticity and a distorted self-image.

 Research has shown that people often overestimate their abilities and accomplishments, which can lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who overestimate their abilities are more likely to experience negative emotions, such as anxiety and depression, when they encounter obstacles or failures.

 How to Overcome These Behaviors

So, what can you do to overcome these behaviors and achieve your goals? Here are some strategies:

 Practice self-awareness: Become aware of your thoughts and behaviors and recognize when you're seeking approval or validation from others. This can help you to gain control over your thoughts and actions and make more intentional decisions.

 Set specific goals: Rather than setting vague or general goals, set specific, measurable goals that you can track and monitor. This can help you to stay focused and motivated and increase your chances of success.

 Develop self-discipline: Practice delaying gratification, resisting temptation, and developing self-control. This can help you to develop the self-discipline and self-regulation necessary to achieve your goals.

 Stay grounded in reality: Be honest with yourself about your abilities and accomplishments and avoid exaggerating your successes. This can help you to stay grounded in reality and maintain a realistic perspective on your achievements.

Our desire for social acceptance, our lack of self-discipline, and our tendency to exaggerate our successes can all hold us back from achieving our goals and living up to our full potential. By developing strategies to overcome them, we can create a life that is more authentic, purposeful, and fulfilling.

 It’s important to focus on what matters most to you, rather than worrying about what others think. Set specific goals, develop self-discipline, and stay grounded, and you'll be well on your way to achieving your goals and living a life that is true to your values and beliefs. By embracing your own unique strengths and passions, you can create a life that is both successful and meaningful.